| And then there was. |
[01 Jan 2007|09:40am] |
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My new year's resolution is to stay loaded and never misfire. To celebrate love where it springs up, even if it's not mine. And also to disown every coward I know.
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| +I hate the word parapet. |
[23 Aug 2006|05:43pm] |
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What we can't burn away, we'll rip from bone, trudging the same ground. I've sworn on the horns that I was drawn from the same un-well. Mars black prints on my wrists and throat, without you. You're in killing form and I'm twisting myself to attract the blade.
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| Oh! You pretty things. |
[16 Mar 2006|10:24pm] |
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All the nightmares came today. And it looks as though they're here to stay.
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| No. 6 |
[30 Sep 2004|05:43pm] |
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mood |
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stolen |
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music |
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These Immortal Souls - Open Up And Bleed |
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Spellcasting, dust blowing, throwing stones. You twisted between my fingers and all I could do was look at you. What I wanted and what I did about it were continents that had drifted before I could map them. I've got a layer of resin around my heart thicker than your eyelashes, thicker than the honey in your voice, thicker than the gentle intent in your eyes, thicker than the slick of come across my knuckles. I know this about you - you'll scratch before you'll claw and you'll tap before you'll shatter. You won't risk seeing me doubled over in pain again. But I still can't move, baby. I've thrown up embryonic fluid for too long with no release until it filled my spaces, clung to my eyes and finally filled my lungs. You will remember.
Revenance. Pour a circle and call me through. I need to be conjured.
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| No. 5 |
[29 Sep 2004|02:27pm] |
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mood |
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enarmoured |
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music |
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Crime and the City Solution - All Must Be Love |
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You were one of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen. For one madding day, I didn't want anything more than you around me, under me. I walked alongside you and every minute that ticked by drained me of all hope and desire until I knew you were the antithesis of all I needed or wanted.
The first time I kissed you, it was honestly to shut you up. It was either that or punch you in the mouth. I hated the way you kissed, tight lipped and too passive after the initial contact, even when you made the first move later.
The first time I fucked you, it was to see if those horrible, yappy dog efforts to impress me would just fade away if you just fucking had me. You complained about how sore you were afterwards and you weren't smiling. But you still persisted in telling me exactly how much you wanted me at every opportunity. It doubled your efforts and I would whisper at the nape of your neck how much I wanted you to disappear. I wouldn't wish you dead because I knew that'd just give you more leisure time to piss me off.
I'm pretty sure I'll never leave you.
I'm pretty sure you'll never figure this out.
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[13 May 2004|07:27pm] |
There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him.
-Mark 7:15
Huh huh. Hm hm. Huh huh huh. Yeah, yeah. Hm hm. Huh huh huh.
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| No. 4 |
[25 Apr 2004|06:38am] |
It was a song that tripped me backwards into a place located downstairs, up north, over the border and seven years ago. Extra sensory deception makes the veins rise and you could plot my whole trip on my inner arms, pitstops and all. And this is where I got my first haircut. And this is where I skinned my knee. And this is where I lost my virginity. And this is where I sucked dick for a hit. And this is where I skinned my knee again.
I wanted to show you the film strips in my brain pan cinema but I know these few frames are piss stained and scorched, rescued from the fire, the great memory loss. What's there is distorted and incomprehensible and the aesthetic is all off. I like to remember myself fallen-angelic and dirty when I was just sunken eyed, hollowed out and fucked over by my own script.
It occurs to me when I put my fingertips on your mouth how soft and true and holy something can be. I feel like I'm on temporary reprieve from the heart attack back alley chase scene that comprises my self-image. I keep doing it, I know you're wondering why. Some lurid suggestion, surely, like I'm picturing your pout around my cock. I'd wink and nod along if you said it, if you asked. But it's not what I'm thinking. Not at all. I'm thinking I want you to kiss me clean, lick away the salty panic, blow away the desperate fog. Poisons you could swallow because you're the antidote. Ritual neutralisation of an acid coil.
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| No. 3 |
[15 Apr 2004|12:19pm] |
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mood |
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impressionista |
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| [ |
music |
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Rowland S. Howard - Undone |
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She pulled the chaingang dictatorship of principles of secrecy with her manicured fingers like it was a velvet rope, and they all fell with a heaving sigh, relieved at the exquisite card-collapse after so much time at full military attention.
Genuine genuflection shone high beams, but rarely did he turn his head for heavy treacle power, sweet and potent. Quiet, low down, like bent up spine crack maneuver through trenched out mazes. She infiltrated as surely and perfectly as the plume of smoke winding through his hair when they embraced.
Man overboard.
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| no. 2 |
[24 Feb 2004|03:21pm] |
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mood |
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incubatic incubator |
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music |
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Birthday Party - Sonny's Burning |
] |
He had the audacity to call me a filthy fool when he himself reminded me of something I thought I'd left behind when I woke with a scream. Something vile, unnerving, disturbing, unclean but not possessed of any strength but that to repulse. He was thinner than thin, but with soft, weak flesh that hung off his bones like an afterthought. A well dressed man with all the natural elegance of a dirty, wet ashtray hastily covered with a silk handkerchief. When he snatched down my zip and curled his dry fingers around my cock, I felt my bile rise in a desperate bid to mask the scent of his sick, quickening breath. Deep, measured inhale through my mouth, a catch as my stomach muscles tried to trampoline its contents up and out, a slow, hissing exhale. He made an encouraging noise. I closed my eyes and thought of nothing but filthy lucre and a bit of that soft mouthed cherub I'd seen on the train ride over. The one that was far too young for me, even if I was younger still.
-Oh, yes, daddy. So good, daddy.
I chanced opening my eyes and fucked his mouth, snarling as he flicked a razor blade over my stomach and his eyes rolled up at me looking as if they were floating in rancid oil. Eyes shut again, tightly, another lie delivered with more earnest, emphasis borne of repulsion over desire, but sounding exactly as it should. It wasn't even noon yet.
Eventually, the sheer force of friction drew it out of me. That and the cherub on the train and a bit of the girl in that shade of green I'd never seen anybody pull off before her. I watched her walk for three blocks and I almost climbed into her taxi with her.
He threw my 20 on the table and left without speaking, as usual. I don't know if he'd go outside and spit or if he just held it in his mouth until he couldn't anymore, but I wasn't curious enough to try to find out. I'd already zipped up and pocketed the money in one motion. A few more pickups and another appointment and I'd be set for the evening alone with my rosary and my habit.
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| no. 1 |
[24 Feb 2004|01:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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shadow matched my smile |
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| [ |
music |
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Bad Seeds - Jack's Shadow |
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A torrent from between her pomegranite lips of curses, sighs, expectations, demands, pleas, threats and bargains. She twisted and turned, first soft, then sharp, then soft again as she spelt out every bit of how it will be, for her, for me. I whittled her down to one times infinity night on the tiles, one love song in which were wrapped angry threads, rapt angry threats, and one three round boxing match in ballet shoes. Don't tell no lies. Said dramatically, meant grammatically. All of this and nothing more. I only really got one mistress and she only wears one spike.
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